Give Yourself a Break Already!
Sorry it has been a couple weeks since my last post, so let’s start with the most important news first!
I was placed in a village in the Southern Province!!!
But to be honest this last week sucked for me! I wasn’t counting but I think I cried almost, every day due to one thing or another. This week began as the one I had been waiting a month for. This week was site announcements! I want to be very clear I WAS NOT UPSET ABOUT MY SITE! So many other things happened this last week that took me for a ride and I am still recovering.
This week was not only site announcements, but this was the week of our first language test. Everyone in our cohort was stressed and studying non-stop for this exam. Although our language teachers told us not to worry too much about it, it is still the most stressful thing I have had to do so far in Rwanda. In hindsight, this is ridiculous, but well get to that later.
This week started with me being sent to Kigali for an X-Ray of my foot, as all of you know, it’s me and of course I have to get hurt. The weirdest thing was nothing traumatic happened, I didn’t fall, trip, or get my foot stepped on, but a pain started in my foot that began to prevent me from walking (hopefully it will heal quickly). After talking to the Peace Corps doctors, they decided I needed to get it looked at. And in true Sydney Fashion there was nothing wrong with me! The X-Ray came back fine, and I was sent back to the training site with the hopes that it will fix itself soon. Note: After a lot of research I believe I have tendonitis flaring in my foot since I have been walking more than I ever have before. Don’t worry I’m completely fine!
With the help of my friend and trusted driver Frank, I was lucky enough to return to the training site in time to hear
my site announcement. It was the moment we had all been waiting for since we received our acceptances back in January. We were excited like little kids on Christmas morning and terrified like kids going to school for the first time. They pulled out the Rwandan squatting chair and called each one of us to sit and the ‘sorting hat’ told us where we will be placed. I was told a school, a village, a sector, and a district, all of which meant nothing to me (since I don’t know anything in Rwanda, but the training site) until they said Southern Province. Everyone cheered, and I got to pin my name onto the map of Rwanda; find out exactly where I will be for the next 2 years. This placement was unbelievably exciting, and I quickly
found out my friend, Matt, will be replacing volunteers in the next village over and I will have a site mate, Megan, who is a Peace Corps Health volunteer and has been in the village for just over a year now. Of course, this was also a very scary moment since I found out I will be a new volunteer (the only thing I asked for was to replace a volunteer), but I am convinced now that I hit the jock pot! (read about the ups and downs of my visit in my next post)
Although this day was filled with happiness and excitement we also had our third volunteer leave today. I was lucky enough to drive to Kigali with this amazing woman who will forever be missed in our cohort. I wish her all the best and I am so happy I got to meet such an amazing lady. It takes courage to change your mind and she walked into the unknown without any fear. I could only dream of being this courageous and truthful. She was a light in everyone’s lives and our group will never be the same because of her.
The very next morning I had my language exam and I don’t think I was this nervous when I took the ACT. I walked into a room and spoke in Kinyarwanda (as much as I could) with a language teacher for about 25 minutes and left in tears. I knew I could have done better, and I know I did not understand some of the questions he asked me. I have cried about this language so many times already and I know I will cry so many more, but not being able to communicate effectively is one of the hardest, most isolating things a person can live with. All I could do after this exam was wait for the results, know they would be bad. You are required to be at a Novice High level to pass this exam and an Intermediate Mid-level for pass the exam before leaving for your site. All I wanted was to pass, but I knew I couldn’t have gotten there.
Immediately after this test I went to meet my Headmistress for my new school. She was unbelievably kind and was extremely excited to be getting a volunteer at her school. I tried to speak as much Kinyarwanda as I could to her but had to stop when we began to discuss goals for the school and my service in her village. I quickly learned there are 780 primary students (Kindergarten – Grade 6) and the secondary school has 300 students (Grade 7 – Grade 12). She told me her teachers are the best, but they need help with English and that I will love the children and the village.
Overall, this week was very stressful and terrifying. Being hurt, stressed, frustrated and tired did not bring out the best of me. Everything in Rwanda has been an adjustment, but this week I learned something that is way easier said, then done; GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. This week I made myself so upset because I wanted to be the best and couldn’t believe I was still struggling. I wanted to impress my headmistress and my language tester. I was frustrated over being hurt and tired, I was too hard on myself. I did not have perspective and confidence in my skills. I needed to go easy on myself and recognize the amazing things that I have accomplished in the short time I have been here:
I can bargain at the market in Kinyarwanda,
I can describe my American and Rwandan family in Kinyarwanda.
I can pee in a latrine without peeing on myself (not as easy as it sounds)
I can communicate with my Umukozi more and more every day.
And I got on that plane and flew half way across the world to live in a completely unknown place! (Thank you to my friend Kasey for reminding me, in a moment of weakness, that being here is a feat within itself)
Important Note About My Site: I will never release the exact location of my village due to safety and security reasons since this is a public website. If you would like to know the name of my village, sector, cell, or district please click on the Contact Me page or ask my parents!